You were going about your daily life; looking for an ideal “life partner” - and suddenly things changed around you when you thought you met someone that made your heart stop.
But in reality what happened was that you stopped looking at the world rationally when your entire focus seemed to be just to “get married to my soul mate and live a happy life thereafter, raising children and generally live up to a prototype how a “good family” should be.
If all goes well it would be “a marriage made in heaven”.
How wrong that can be!
Are the marriages really made in heaven? You were looking for someone YOU liked that and hence got married. What role did heavens have in this?
Was it not just a question of projecting your desires and going ahead with what you consider the proper thing in your mind?
There has to be certain element of intellect and logic when it comes to anything that we do; especially when we form lifelong relationships. But this is something that we normally falter at, always. And the so called “made in heaven” marriage breaks apart sooner than it took time to form!
Most relationships are formed by reasons that are only emotional; and have nothing to do with logic or intellect or even reality that surrounds us. It is generally our own imagination that is at work; which is why marriages fail once the initial sheen wears off.
People get together and its common to see such strong emotional projections like- “oh it's my soul mate”, “we been together even before this life”!
Then how come such marriages break?
When we talk of the soul we are referring to something that is beyond the entire physicality of the world around us, something beyond our mental and emotional realms. The sensations generated by our body in response to what we feel using our five senses. Soul is much beyond that. So how can anyone “feel” that they have met the Soul mate? It is all in our mind!
Therefore, quite often we do not we tend to think logically or analyze intellectually when it comes to making relationships that are permanent in our lives.
So let's be realistic. The relationships in marriages are all made right here on the earth. Therefore the fact that we get into serious relationships for life; something like marriage presuming that it is made in heaven is the first mistake that we make.
What we should do instead is to keep our eyes and ears open understand and know a person fully before getting into something as serious as marriage.
And what do we do?
Instead of covering our logical instincts to know a person well, we cover it with a veil of this presumption of marriage is being made in heaven. It is actually so unfair to get into something for the entire life without even knowing anything much about the person based just on our imagination!
Marriage is essentially two people growing together and to make it work well they have to give an opportunity to each other to be with what he or she likes and grow into life together. Before getting into any commitment as serious as marriage you got to be very conscious about the entire thing and should ask yourself -
Am I using this person just because he or she makes me happy?
Do I want this person just because I am happy being with him or her? Or
Do I want to be with this person because I am already happy and I just want to share and get reciprocation of this happiness from this person?
Is it about reciprocation that is giving and taking or is it just about taking? Yes things like - I want you, you make me happy, you are lovely to look etc are a pointer to the fact that all you want is about taking. Your entire alignment is all about getting what you want. Even a perfect marriage or a soul mate.
If someone fits in all your parameters – yes, it is what you would say a marriage made in heaven. This is what it is almost all relationships are all about - expectations. Had it been something beyond you and more unconditional, only then it would transient into much more.
A conditional relationship is a limited relationship - and it is against the basic nature of humans. They abhor restrictions and limitations. People really don't like to be limited. If they have something, they want more and on getting that they won't even more. When they have that, they want to get beyond and so on it goes!
Conditional relationships are therefore very limited relationship which would be enjoyed only for a very short period of time. Therefore, it is important that you get out of your limitations and get into something that is boundless, unlimited relationship, without any expectations. That is the type of relationship that would continue to grow and grow and enrich your life.
Remember - the essence of all relationship is growth and once you stop growth by imposing restrictions it is bound to crumble. For relationship to be actually successful it has to be based on logic, intellect and the tendency to grow.
It is all about the art of acceptance with least expectations.